How to Help Someone You Love Be Healthy
Seeing someone you love make unhealthy choices is painful. Really, really painful.
After all, you love them and so of course it's natural to worry. You want the best for them! You want them to be around for a long time and to enjoy a vibrant life. I get it!
But sometimes our well-meaning attempts at reforming our loved ones into healthier, happier versions of themselves can backfire. Been there? I know I have.
Instead, here's what you can do to help someone you love make healthier choices:
Remove shame from the equation.
Shame rarely (if ever) motivates or persuades someone to change. It certainly doesn't inspire or empower. Rather it can lead to discouragement or giving up altogether.
However, a sincere focus on strengths can be incredibly motivating! I know that when someone compliments an aspect of something I do well, I feel this child inside me glowing and wanting to do more of that thing.
Focus on what is working well instead of pointing out a bunch of weaknesses.
Now this isn't to say you can't or shouldn’t ever have a loving and candid conversation.
If you really love someone, you tell them when there is food in their teeth. And it can be the absolute right thing to share concerns when you are worried about their well-being.
But remove shame completely. Make it clear that you are coming from a place of love. Be a true support. Learn their story. There are always valid reasons why someone is making unhealthy choices.
I love the perspective this video clip gives on why our loved ones might be struggling to get their health in order.
Get that beam out of your own eye
You have to hand it to him, Jesus created one of the best analogies of all time (go figure). In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught that before helping someone remove the mote out of their eye, you must first remove the beam that is in your own eye . (Matt 7:5)
Because if you have dust stuck in your eye, how are you going to see clearly to help your sister get the speck out of her eye?
This lesson has smacked me in the face over and over in so many aspects of my life over the years.
It's so easy (and well-intentioned) to see the unhealthy choices of another and feel the need to go on a crusade to change them. But first, we need to do a careful self-examination.
Are YOU making healthy choices? Are YOU following the behaviors that you would have your loved one follow?
If not, you better make some changes yourself, and then you will be able to be a true and way more effective guide.
But even more important than that, there is nothing more influential than the power of example. As you normalize and fall in love with healthy living, it will become attractive to those around you.
They will want to know where you're getting your stamina. And you will know how to help them.
At the end of the day, no one wants to be controlled. Rather, helping them feel supported, and encouraged, and providing them a kind of template from your own healthy living can be much more influential.
Create a home environment that naturally encourages healthy living
Obviously, this will be most effective for yourself and the loved ones who live with you, however it can be powerful for those who don’t live with you as well.
One time I went to visit stay with a best friend for a night. I was taken aback by her home. Her pantry and fridge were organized and well stocked with really fresh and wholesome foods.
As we are hanging out she’s like, the kids are probably hungry, let’s throw something together for them and she just whips up some sauteed zucchini and other healthy items for their lunch. No biggie.
That had a lasting impact on me because it showed me how normal and easy healthy eating could be.
Take inventory of your pantry and fridge. Are their wholesome foods ready and available? Or are most of the options things like pop-tarts, chips, and chewy bars?
Because if you’re anything like me, you’re reaching for pop-tarts first if they’re there, no matter how many other healthy foods are around.
Also, consider putting cues in your home to help make healthy choices desirable and easy. Display images or vision boards, favorite quotes about positive and healthy living, medals from 5Ks, place exercise equipment visible and in a convenient location, keep your running shoes by the door, etc.
And you can take this a step further and make your own health goals visible! My favorite way to do this is to create a sticker chart. I write my goal on a piece of paper and draw a grid of 16 squares. I number them for each day, 1-16 (because I like to focus on a goal for 16 days at a time.) I stick that puppy to the fridge and each day that I hit my goal, I add a sticker.
Not only does it remind me to actually complete my daily goal, but it can act as no-nagging encouragement for anyone else who might see it…or serve as a great accountability tool if I’m slacking.
Well, my friend, I hope this helps! I know this perspective shift has helped me gain a lot of peace and I hope it helps you too. You can’t change anyone but yourself (I know, it’s so hard), but there are absolutely things within your control that can give someone you loved a desire to take care of themselves.
