How to be a happier mama: practicing mom self-care daily
Yeah yeah you know you’ll be a better mom if you take care of yourself, whatever.
But whoever said that didn’t realize that you would be juggling sleep regressions, school drop-off, temper tantrums, laundry, and so, so much more. Right?
But Mama, you need to be cared for, first and foremost because you are a worthy human being and deserve it. And second of all, because your family will be all the better for it.
Have you ever heard this quote by Abraham Lincoln? He said, “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.”
I heard this quote a LONG time ago, but recently it hit me differently.
My husband and I have been married for over 8 years at the time of writing this.
Most of the kitchen knives that we own were given to us as wedding presents, 8 years ago. And we had never sharpened them. Not once.
We had some friends over for dinner. As they helped us prepare the meal they were floored by the dullness of our knives. We knew they were bad, but didn’t know they were that bad.
The next time we saw them they had a gift for us… a knife sharpening kit.
I can not believe the difference a sharp knife makes. Food preparation is now faster, easier, and more enjoyable!
And the same applies to you, mama!
Are you ready to stop feeling dull? Are you ready to shine like the diamond you are? Read on and learn how you can practice mama self care daily, even in the face of the multitude of demands on your time.
Psychologist Abraham Maslow created a 5 tier system that categories human needs into a pyramid.
At the base you will find basic things needed for survival, such as shelter, food, and sleep, as you go up the pyramid, the needs get more and more luxurious. Every human has these needs, but can not reach for needs higher up the ladder without having the more basic needs filled first.
So assuming you have most of your basic human needs met, I have created a mama self care hierarchy of needs.
You will need to decide what is in your actual pyramid of needs, but I’ll share mine with you as well as the other mamas.
Mom Self Care Hierarchy of Needs
The Foundation
sleep. I know I’m a broken record
The base of my pyramid is sleep. Full stop. If I don’t have enough, I am frazzled, unreasonable, irritable, impatient, and the worst version of myself.
Now listen, I know what you’re thinking. Ashlee, I have kids. Getting just this basic thing consistently is next to impossible.
And I’m going to be honest, getting enough sleep every single night is probably unrealistic. But the goal is to get to a place where you are getting enough sleep more often than not.
If you have a newborn, right now sleep and sanity are THE priority (and probably not a lot else). Because newborns don’t sleep through the night, and that’s just the cold hard reality.
However, there are things you can do right from the get-go to get your baby on the right foot of sleeping well. My favorite resources for sleep training are TakingCaraBabies (I have heard RAVING reviews about her courses) and Dr. Harvey Karp’s book, The Happiest Baby’s Guide to Great Sleep. That book has SAVED me multiple times, and I’ve referred to it over and over as my kids have grown and run into new issues.
I think the key to your sanity, is to always have HOPE. If your little one isn’t sleeping, you are ALWAYS working towards a solution. You’re talking to other moms, you’re trying out a night light, getting your child up earlier, doing you’re doing research, etc.
Please don’t just accept that poor sleep is a reality and just stay in a bad sleep situation long term.
Because without sleep, everything crumbles. And that goes for your child too!
Step 2
Making the bed
Look, you may not need to make your bed to feel okay, and that’s fine! Nothing wrong with you whatsoever. If you’re anything like me though, the three minutes of making your bed yields a 200% return.
Every time I see my made bed (even if the rest of the house is a mess), it sends me a signal that says hey, you’re okay. You’re put together enough. Things can’t be that bad if I’m tidied up.
Exercise
I got to say it, unapologetically. Your mental health is can not be optimized until you are regularly moving your body. We are human beings and we are meant to move.
It could be any kind of movement, a walk works great! For my mental health, I find the biggest reward when I work hard enough to sweat. There’s just something about hitting that intensity that gets my endorphins going.
While you don’t necessarily need to workout every day, I find that the days I don’t exercise are my least happy days. Pretty much always. Dang it!
The key is to find movement you enjoy, not just force yourself into exercise that you hate. For a list of ideas, check out this blog post!
If you’re having a hard time fitting exercise into your life, I have a lot of ideas for you here!
Step 3
Reading - scripture study/inspiring literature
Everyday I read from scripture and discourses from leaders from my church. It’s usually a short study session that is interrupted multiple times by my kids, but it fuels me.
I find that those five to ten minutes help broaden my perspective and help me see the day from 10,000 feet, instead of in my usual short-sighted pixelated view.
If you’re not religious, there are plenty of other texts that have stood the test of time and that are filled with wisdom, inspiration, and true principles that can start your day off on the right foot.
Eating well
Listen, I know this is hard. But when I eat a lot of fast, sugary, and processed foods something terrible happens. I get a 5 minute burst of energy, and then I fall, hard.
I get extremely fatigued and so grouchy. So so grouchy. Can you relate?
My biggest indicators for success are drinking lots of water, and eating lean sources of protein and fruits and vegetables throughout the day. Especially in the afternoon.
If you want in-depth help eating better, check out this post that I made to help you do just that!
Getting ready for the day
Listen, if you feel your best in your jammies, no shade whatsoever. This one might not even be in your personal hierarchy of needs. But a post-workout shower, some clothes with structure, and a bit of make-up help me feel my best and ready for anything.
My three-year-old and I have a routine for this. She’s a curious little creature and a constant danger to herself. Her room has been child-proofed and it has a lock. When I’m ready to shower, I let her choose a toy to play with in her room and then lock her in so she can’t wander out and hurt herself.
She knows the routine and actually enjoys it. It took some time to get in a groove, but it’s been liberating to not have to wait for nap time to shower.
Step 4
Getting outside
There’s a Scandinavian saying that says, “There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.”
I strive for this to be my mantra but I’m not there yet (I hate being cold so much). But exposing myself to the sun (even if it’s cloudy) does wonders for my mental health.
Additionally, the sun helps your body produce vitamin D, which helps regulates feel-good neurotransmitters called serotonin, in your brain. It also releases serotonin! And you can get this benefit even when it’s overcast.
Tidy the kitchen
Is this going to happen when I’m in survival mode? Likely not. Which is why it’s on step 4.
The kitchen is the heart of my home, the room that my family and I are in the most.
And because it is a kitchen, it gets messy every single day. Can you relate?
And while I don’t necessarily enjoy tidying the kitchen, waking up to a clean, reset kitchen in the morning does wonders for my soul.
Step 5
Intellectual stimulation
When I’m blessed enough to make it this far up the pyramid, working on my own projects that are not related to motherhood is life-giving.
Blogging, reading, and working on this business even just lights up my brain in a way that nothing else can.
Girl time
I don’t need this every day or necessarily every week, but if I haven’t had time with other women in over a month I FEEL it.
Women need women. Full stop. And mamas need mamas. It can be such a breath of fresh air to laugh with, get advice from, validate, and be validated by other women.
A friend of mine started a weekly bible study for women, and that has been oxygen to my frazzled mama soul. The women are all different ages as well and it’s been so neat to get the perspective of mamas who are a lot more experienced than I am. When I’m with them, I feel like a human again.
Rest/downtime
I wasn’t sure what tier to stick this in because it’s so important and where it fits sort of varies by the day. Somedays, a good night’s rest is all I need. Other days I’m dragging all day long, physically and emotionally, and need lots of breaks.
Often this looks like cutting off all work and chores by 8 pm. Somedays I turn on a show for the kids, bring a pillow downstairs and just lay there with them.
Somedays I need a real break, away from kids, and I leave for the evening while my husband takes care of bedtime.
Decide what true recharging looks like for you!
The Key to Mama Self Care: Plan, Plan, Plan
Sister, for you to get your needs met, you gotta plan.
I have a whole blog post here for you about planning.
But I firmly believe that planning makes the world go round! If you can be proactive instead of reactive, that will go such a long way in helping you get in the things that matter most to you.
Will your plans get thrown off? Absolutely.
But I think you’ll be shocked by how much you actually do accomplish by putting some strategy and thought in ahead of time.
Hierarchy of Needs for Other Mamas
I asked other mamas to tell me what is in their pyramid of needs and they gave some awesome answers! Feast your eyes.
Choosing outfits for the next morning before I go to bed
Climbing 2-3 times a week, it’s a huge reset
Exercise
A full breakfast
Having my comfort water bottle in the car
I recently discovered that some of my mom friends don’t brush their teeth every day… so that
3-mile walk every morning
Literally just sitting down to read. Even if it’s just for a few minutes
Connecting with friends or family
A good audiobook
A videogame
Wearing comfortable clothes! Some days it’s sweat pants, some days it’s more dressy.
Meditation
Bath with Epsom salt
Girls night
Sometimes just getting a treat for myself!
Shower - move my body (pickleball!)
Listen to an inspiring talk or scriptures
Now it’s your turn, mama!
I hope these ideas have been helpful! Take some time to figure out what it is YOU need to be a happy, stable human. And then sit down with a planner and figure out when and how you can meet those needs. Ask for help! I know as you do this, you will be happier, healthier, and enjoy more meaningful relationships in your family. And you deserve that, queen!
If you liked this post about prioritizing mom self-care, you may also like these posts:
How to Plan Your Life: Enjoy Better Health, Be Organized, & Generally Have More Fun
7 Strategies for Fitting in Exercise When You Have Small Children
4 Things You Should Know about Postpartum Recovery that People Don’t Talk About
